Sometimes I get frustrated with my children. They fight, they tattletale, they complain, they whine, they scream instead of simply asking, and so on. Sometimes I feel more like a referee than a mother.

“Please don’t talk to your sister that way. You need to say you are sorry. Please use nice words. The nice thing to do would be to share. Don’t jump on the bed—you could fall and hurt yourself. Don’t wrap that around your neck. This is the tenth time you’ve interrupted me and I‘ve only written 3 sentences. Mommy is talking with the doctor, please don’t interrupt while I’m on the phone unless there is blood or choking.”—All said in a matter of minutes.

At times the day seems very long. I wonder if I should leave the kids to duke it out while I go hide in the bathroom for 5 minutes. I wonder if I am hindering their development by being too involved.
I wonder how many parents think the same thing and then I remember my mother saying that if I think this is hard, just wait until the kids are teenagers!

About this time is when I here the Lord say, “Welcome to being a mother! This is the job you signed on for!” I realize that He has a hidden agenda in all of this—to keep me at His feet, seeking Him. Quite an effective ploy it is! I always wondered how people could pray without ceasing, but since becoming a mother I don’t wonder about that anymore. Prayers such as, “How do I handle this?” or “What do I say?” or “Please protect my children” and “Please forgive me” run through my head all day. But you know what? As I listen I begin to hear Him answer. I hear him tell me that this is not refereeing—its training.

“Train up a child in the way he should go,” is not just referring to helping them memorize Scripture.
It is giving my children the tools to walk through life reflecting Christ—tools such as kindness, gentleness, sharing, forgiving, courage, and faith. How are they supposed to learn these tools if I don’t teach them? I’m battling against an inborn little sin nature and the best that I can do is to continually provide an example of truth.

So when I say 50 times today, “Please don’t scream at your sister; go up and ask her nicely if she is willing to share,” or “Wow! That wasn’t very nice—why don’t you try saying it this way,” I’m actually obeying the Scripture. Every moment is an opportunity for me to exemplify the right way to have relationships with others, the right attitude to have in the midst of a situation, and the way of surrender to the Lord. Maybe by the time they’re teenagers they’ll have gotten the hang of some of it. That’s also one of my unceasing prayers.

Download a PDF printable form of Coach Or Referee?.pdf 23kb

© 2004 by Mary Weber